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Confidence, Self Love and Respect

Space, Wiggle Room and a Little Bit of Love

I’d like to tell you a story, since that that’s how we learn the best. And most of us enjoy a good love story, right?
I coach men about relationships. And I coach women as well about relationships, health and fitness. I’ve been a marathon runner, a personal trainer, and a workout nut for over 20 years. Clearly, I am a type A personality…in case you haven’t guessed

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Spring Break, Shame and Recovery

Spring is coming!
I’ve always loved spring. My birthday is in March. So is my sister’s and her daughter’s, so it’s always been a fun thing to look forward to. And for some reason, spring was usually a harder semester for me than the fall.
Like most students, I couldn’t wait to have Spring Break.
I remember feeling pressure from other students and myself about making sure I had a super fun Spring Break—one that was worthy of bragging about. I had talked my best friend, Anna, to drive us down to Padre Island, in south Texas. My parents had forbidden me to go, but I just lied to them. Anna had not wanted to go because she was self conscious about her body in a bikini. But I begged and pleaded and so we drove the 8 hours it took to get there.

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Celebrate Being Single

This is for all the single people out there
I must admit, I hate those kind of radio stations…the lovey smarmy ones. I really hope I don’t come across like one of those disc jockeys. It’s especially tough if you’re single.

You may already know that I talk about the tough topics that no one wants to talk about: shame, addiction, eating disorders, sexual assault, drugs, alcohol. You know, the fun stuff. Plus, I bring humor into it because I have to. Comedy helped me heal. Musical comedy helped me stay alive growing up, seriously.

When I fell into stand up comedy, it helped me tremendously with my recovery on many levels.

Today, in the “love” month of February, I want to talk about how our culture shames single people. That’s why I believe we should use Valentine’s Day to celebrate any kind of love: friendships, health, teachers, pets, causes, charities, communities.

Valentine’s Day can be about more than just romantic love and so often the “love” that is portrayed in the media is not real. It’s made up, and pretty dysfunctional. Have you listened to love songs…to the actual words? It’s kind of funny and also frightening that as a girl growing up and singing the lyrics, I was setting myself up for a lot of therapy about my relationships with men.

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My Prince Will Come…

As a child, I lived in my head a lot. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old and my sister was 2. When my father married my stepmother, she came along with a son from a previous marriage.

At first, my sister and I only visited once per month on the weekends. Later we moved in full time and I went from being the oldest to the middle child.

My younger sister was a tomboy, so she and my step brother rode motorcycles and climbed trees together, but I was too scared. My sister excelled at gymnastics and soccer while I was more into reading books and playing the piano. This is when my feeling left out and disconnected began.

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Shame About My Body Transformed My Worldview

Shame About My Body Transformed My Worldview
While I don’t want to tell you this story because it left me feeling pretty icky, I think that it might help someone. So I will press on with hope that you don’t think less of me – and if you do, please don’t tell me.

I grew up terrified of athletics. Gym class was horrible for me – from kickball to trying to learn layups. I felt self conscious about my body because I had boobs starting in the 5th grade. Kids called me a slut because I was new to school and physically developed. I didn’t even know what that meant. Instead of athletics, I played piano and read a ton of books, and I rode horses. I didn’t play sports. In fact, I was the only person in my family who did not play soccer.

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All The Tough Stuff & Lessons From The Past

Safety on Campus

The most important advice I can share about safety on campus is to stay AWAKE & AWARE.
So many students have a laid-back attitude about safety until something happens on campus. And students get into trouble when they become complacent and comfortable.

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Unsafe People: What I Wish I Had Known

Nice is Different Than Good
When I was a kid in elementary, a piano tuner guy came over to tune our piano one afternoon and I remember my stepmother saying “Well, he sure wanted to get his hands on Elaine. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of her today.” I don’t remember even talking to him —and I didn’t know exactly what my stepmother meant—but I remember feeling excited that I was “wanted” by someone.

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Be Aware Of Your Surroundings

Tips for Your College Student to be Aware of Their Surroundings
Parents, your college or high school student is probably looking down at her smartphone most of the time (if not all of the time). Which is fine, except she needs to look up, look around, and be aware of her surroundings – especially away at school. Before she goes away to school, whether it’s for the first time or returning, please share these tips with your student to keep her safe.

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Talking About the Tough Stuff

Continuing the Conversations
Going away to college is a huge transition. It’s a huge stressor. No matter how much freedom you’ve given your teen, there’s a huge leap between living at home and moving away and living on your own. The sudden freedom, access to alcohol and drugs, pressure of social media and stress— it’s a lot to deal with.

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Into the Red Zone

Pulling Back the Curtain on the Red Zone
I’ve heard the phrase “The Red Zone” used to refer to the period of time between the beginning of the fall semester and Thanksgiving since I first began speaking on campuses and at conferences—but why is it called the Red Zone? Because there are more sexual assaults on U.S. college campuses during this time than at any other time during the school year. The 2007 Campus Sexual Assault Study discovered that more than 50% of college sexual assaults occur in either August, September, October, or November. As school starts students are meeting new people, trying to fit in, and exploring new boundaries. Students may be new to the city, adjusting to a new environment and getting acclimated… with less parental supervision and increased independence, students may begin experimenting with drugs and alcohol.

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To The Parents of College-Bound Kids

What I Wish I Knew Before I Left For College
Going away to college is HUGE. It’s rated one of the top life-changing challenges that we go
through, right up there with divorce, and the death of a spouse.

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